Five Things That Never Happened to Ben Stone
by Sugar Kane
Summary: Just as the title suggests, five things that never happened to our favorite suspenders wearing EADA. Rated M because Number 5 is a little naughty.


_Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, and am only writing these stories for my own enjoyment._**  
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**1. Let's Do Lunch**

Ben Stone's office door was open just a crack, but it was enough for Paul Robinette to hear his boss's end of the phone conversation. Paul was usually above eavesdropping, but he just couldn't help it in this case; what he was hearing was beyond belief.

"Arthur Gold, please. It's Ben Stone calling."

There was a brief pause.

"Hope I didn't interrupt you, sir." Ben chuckled. "No, Arthur, I didn't forget about your lunch invitation – in fact, that's why I'm calling. Would you like to meet me at Rossini's? In about an hour?"

Another brief pause; then Ben delivered the drop-kick to Paul's head.

"Sure, I'll buy."

**2. Batter Up!**

Ben picked up the lead pipe. After spending the entire trial listening to Cy Weaver's psychobabble, he planned to go for the jugular with his summation.

"And on a dark street three months ago, Thomas Beltram approached her with a pipe in his hand. He struck her in the head."

Ben swung the piece of evidence as he would a baseball bat.

"Again," He continued swinging. "And again, and again. Again, and again. _Six times._ Shattered her skull. And _he_ says he doesn't remember doing this."

Ben paused. "Would you remember doing it? I think you would," He jerked his thumb towards Beltram. "I think _he_ does."

He returned the pipe to the prosecution table.

"But he would have us believe that the accident of his birth killed Beth Milgram. But many people are born into poverty, and they didn't kill anyone. Thomas Beltram wanted to live in Beth Milgram's world. He couldn't, so he killed her. Don't kill her again by forgetting her."

Ben returned to his office that afternoon in a buoyant mood; it had taken the jury only ninety minutes to convict Beltram. As he stepped inside his office, he saw that he had company.

"Detective," he said by way of greeting.

"Saw you in court today," said Mike Logan. "Congratulations on nailing the bastard."

"Thanks. But I have a feeling that's not why you're here," Ben responded, setting his briefcase down on his desk.

"No, it isn't," Logan admitted. "I want you to consider joining our intra-mural baseball team. You have one hell of a swing, and it's just what we need in order to kick the 3-3's ass this year."

**3. In Claire's Defense**

"She's telling the truth, Adam," Ben said.

The mess was partly his fault; if only he'd removed Claire from the Thayer case when she asked him to. He wasn't so much bothered by the public relations disaster, or by the newfound challenge in winning the case. The office had come through worse crises and survived, even obtaining convictions that were thought impossible.

It was Claire's potential disbarment that nagged at Ben's conscience.

Her affair with Thayer was beyond his control, but his own single-mindedness had helped lead her towards professional ruin. Thayer was alleging that the affair never happened, that he had rejected Claire and she was now seeking revenge. Ben didn't believe a word of it – and if throwing his support behind her was all he could do, he would.

"How can you be so sure?" Adam asked, cynicism cutting through his words.

"If Joel Thayer is capable of threatening to harm Janet Rudman and her child, he's certainly capable of this!" Ben replied incredulously.

"And isn't Miss Kincaid capable of lying?" Adam suggested.

"I _know_ her, Adam," Ben said. "I saw her eyes when I handed her the papers. She's guilty of bad judgment. That's _all._"

"If I remember correctly, you were the one who wanted me to reassign her a few months back. If I didn't know you better, my friend, I'd swear that your interest in defending Miss Kincaid is more than professional."

"I resent that," Ben responded.

But it was true. Nothing ever escaped Adam.

**4. Midlife Crisis**

"Okay, Mr. Stone, everything's all set. I'll just get you to read over the sales agreement," the salesman said. "It explains the full cost of the vehicle, plus the value of your Caprice as a trade-in."

Ben gave the document a cursory glance before signing it.

"Terrific." The salesman shook Ben's hand, then handed him a set of keys. "It's been a pleasure doing business with you."

Claire waited outside the dealership, standing next to the shiny red Corvette. Her floral sundress swayed in the summer breeze.

"Ready to go?" she asked.

"You bet," Ben said, unlocking the car. "Let's see – I quit my job, bought a new sports car, and am having an affair with a beautiful younger woman." He kissed Claire. "Midlife crisis, here I come."

**5. Of Ill Repute**

"Are you a cop?" asked the blonde, naked except for a pair of skimpy panties.

"Goodness, no," Ben replied, leaning back on the bed. "Why would you ask that?"

"Just playing it safe," she said, unbuttoning his shirt. Ben felt himself reddening; he still couldn't believe that he'd let himself be talked into acting as the bait in a prostitution sting. "The last thing I want is to end up in the slammer. And besides, you're so cute that I don't want anything ruining our fun."

She went for his zipper. Ben fought it as much as he could, but his body began to respond. He silently prayed that Cragen and Greevey would arrive before he embarrassed himself further.

"Look what we have here," she said, freeing him. "What would you like me to do with this, handsome?"

"_Police, freeze!_" Cragen and Greevey yelled, busting through the door.

"You said you weren't a cop!" the blonde exclaimed angrily.

"He's not. He's an Assistant District Attorney," Greevey answered. Throwing his coat over her, he read her her rights.

"You okay?" Cragen asked. Ben nodded, covering himself.

"I'm really sorry about this. Max wanted to finish his coffee."

_finis_


End file.
